Growing old is Necessary. Growing up is optional

1464016_10200992474480856_1176123781_nAs most of you know, I’ve developed a heart for traveling. The last six months I have lived in Texas, Hawaii, Amsterdam, Arkansas and visited Paris. Each place has its perks and disadvantages. Hawaii is gorgeous and the beach is a short walk away, but I’ve never been so miserable due to heat and humidity. If you enjoy the beach-Hawaii is amazing. Though personally, three months in and I was suffering island fever. GET ME OFF. My next stop was Amsterdam, Holland, a gorgeous city I fell in love with faster than Kim Kardashian’s marriage ended. The weather, in my opinion, was glorious, though it did get gloomy due to constant rain. So the days when the sun was shining bright were days to be envied. The architecture was gorgeous and the community was welcoming -in the local part of town- although, the spiritual aspect was to much to handle. I remember the heaviness and darkness vividly, and that I will not miss. It’s also extremely touristic which is not always fun.

I believe everywhere has it’s ups and downs, but life will be miserable if you don’t choose to focus on the positive sides of things.

I am currently living in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I’ve been here for one week and it has been a bit of a culture shock. I attend University of Arkansas and I love it, though it is different. Living in a college town is an adventure in itself. No it is not a European city or a beautiful beach on a gorgeous island, but it may be one of my favorite places so far. The weather currently is wonderful-though you might have figured out I enjoy the cold- and the community is what every college student dreams of. Since childhood I’ve wondered about my future college. What sort of friends will I make? What classes will I enroll into? What will my professors be like? Will I go to college parties? How much coffee will I drink? (answer=too much.) Will I join a sorority?-HECK NO. (-irony). So far, Fayetteville Arkansas is my dream college town. There are several local cafes us students spend most of our time at. My favorite being Mama Carmen’s, which I will explain in detail another time. Parties happen every night (no I have not made it to one yet) and greek row is well known. My professors are all wonderful-awesome accents, super awkward and quirky, nerdy, helpful, funny, and they actually enjoy their jobs. I’ve already made friends and they are all exactly what I’ve prayed for. I am rushing a sorority called Phi Lamb and I can already tell that I am going to love it. The girls I have met so far and incredible, down to earth, women of God. It is technically non greek because it is a christian sorority. Most of the sorority girls I have met on campus are not what I thought they would be like. They are amazing people and some of my best friends. I am so blessed to know them and I’m sorry for any negative thoughts I have ever had toward sororities. One week has felt like much longer and yet I still have four years to come.

I’m in college.

I’m growing up.

No, I refuse to believe that. I’m still a kid.

Saturday morning, I remember laying in bed, thinking to much about life. (I don’t recommend this) I began to psych myself out. Missing my parents caught up to me and I began thinking that I’d never see them again.

What if something awful happens and I never have a chance to see them again?

What if I do see them again, but only for a few days at a time?

What if I never visit home once I’ve made my place in Arkansas?

What if college takes all of my time?

What if after college I move far away and see them even less often?

Six months away was almost unbearable-how am I gonna do that again?

What if we grow apart?

What if one day, YEARS (I’m talking 60 years) from now, I’m standing at their graves and realize I only visited them once a year? What if I regret my life because I wasn’t able to hug my daddy whenever I wanted or talk to my mommy like I wished?

STOP IT MADISON.

Again, I don’t recommend letting your thoughts take over your mind for a long period of time, you will spiral into depression.

I know none of this will happen, but I couldn’t help but worry when I think about growing up. Because I don’t want to grow up. As much as I love traveling and doing my own thing, I like being a kid. I like depending on my mom and dad. I like pretending to sleep in the car and having my dad carry me inside. I like my mom to do my laundry for me. I like being able to talk to my parents about anything and be able to hug them for no reason at all. I like having my biggest worry of the day being that I can’t swing because there is a puddle underneath the swing set. I like childhood and I don’t want to grow up.

Then I remember, I don’t have to grow up. I only have to grow old. Slowly. But I will always be mommy and daddy’s little girl. Yes, I’m in college, but I spend my Friday night with twelve other college students watching Frozen for the third time. I will always be a kid and I will spend as much time with my parents as I want, because I’m not growing up, I’m just discovering more of the world. I’m pursuing my dreams and letting my independent side take over.

Everywhere has its ups and downs. Currently, I’m living in the perks of Fayetteville because I choose to. But trust me, you will see me in Greenville soon, because I miss my Mom and Dad. Who wouldn’t miss parents that perfect?;)

Growing old is Necessary. Growing up is optional.

Love you all.

KISSES

-Madison

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3 thoughts on “Growing old is Necessary. Growing up is optional

  1. Hey Maddie, Welcome to NWA! Mama C’s is awsome. Say hi to Hope Ray when you next go. I so wish I lived closer or it were on the way to somewhere I frequent. We head down to Greenville on Feb. 1 and there is room in the car although we won’t come back till Wednesday or Thursday;)

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