Dear driver behind me,

road rageSTOP. You don’t need to pass me, I’m already going ten over! Get. Off. My. Butt. Why are you so impatient? GEEZ! Calm the freak down. This is not a race, goodness gracious. You need to learn how to slow down and enjoy life!

Dear other driver, life isn’t slowing down just for you to stop and smell the dandelions! CAN WE GO NOW?! Why are we getting on the highway going forty freaking miles an hour? GOOOO. You’re not getting any younger! OH. MY. GOSH. Can we not? Go faster, please! oh finally you’re going to the other lane. USE YOUR BLINKER, IDIOT. You know, the little signal built in to let me and other drivers know you may be turning or switching lanes? Yeah, it’s there for a reason! Isn’t it a cool little invention? USE IT.

Dear driver who didn’t pass fourth grade, you really should go back to drivers ed, obviously you’re confused. Oooooh goodness. * deep breath * lord, bless their family. Bless their finances. Keep them safe and happy. Okay now get them off the road, thanks and amen.

Dear, oh crap a cop. I’m good. I’m cool.

Sincerely,

I don’t have road rage, what are you talking about?

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