Why DTRs suck b*tt

DTR3“Who are you texting? Who’s Bob? Are you dating? Have you talked?”

Talked about what? Dogs? Yes, of course. That’s usually the first subject I bring up.

Why are people so interested in my life the moment a male is mentioned? I could have not heard from a person in months but as soon as a picture goes up on instagram with a dude in it, suddenly they care about what’s going on and we “need to catch up”.

For example, I once posted an extremely couple-y picture with one of my friends and captioned it with a ridiculously cheesy quote, because we thought it would be hilarious. (He’s gay. Nothing is or will ever happen between us)10615429_10203577066454040_6171191916155262754_n

It was hilarious. The amount of comments and messages I got was a tad overwhelming. And half of the people messaging me probably didn’t even know where I was currently living.

Is my worth in the males I hang out with? How come when I’m talking to a dude, romantically or not, everyone expects us to have “the talk”?

“You need to DTR.”

Do I? Do I really? Is that something that needs to happen soon? Because I’d like to put that off. Because DTRs suck b*tt.

Every relationship looks a little bit different. You can look up as many “20 signs it’s time to DTR” articles as you want, but it’s unlikely you’ll fit every single article.

“You tell each other everything.”

I don’t even tell my counselor everything, let alone some rando I may or may not have a middle school crush on.

You need to be honest in a relationship, you need to communicate, but if one more person asks me if I’ve had “the talk” with every dude in my life, I’m going to scream.

DTRs suck b*tt because everyone expects you to have them. And each person may have a different expectation. And everyone else in your life expects to be filled in. And everyone has advice. Everyone has their own idea of how it should go.

“So did you talk?”


“What happened? Tell me everything!” I’m sorry but I’m not going to tell everyone everything. I like my privacy. It’s so difficult to talk to my family, let alone that random chick I knew four years ago.

DTRs suck b*tt because they are so awkward. Why do people have to be so confusing? And I’m talking about girls and guys here. No one out right says anything. They always dance around subjects. “Oh, I may have tried an apple once when I was a kid. It was alright. I’ve always wanted to try one again. They red color is just so enticing. But I don’t care that much.” Can you just tell me you want to buy an apple, please? This is exhausting.

“Don’t text back immediately, it took him thirty minutes to respond, you don’t want to sound desperate.” Really? I happen to be sitting next to my phone. I’m not busy. Why do I have to have a graph of when I can text back and when I need to come across as busy?

This is a friendship, not politics.

A DTR is never straightforward and specific. So why would I steal valuable Netflix time to try and translate a DTR? Everyone always wants to sound nonchalant and like they don’t care. Just tell me what you want or don’t want, I promise I wont get butt hurt.

DTRs suck because after you have them, your relationship is supposed to be different. You have a title now. This is serious. Suddenly people are asking me if I’m thinking about marriage. The answer? No. No, I’m not. I’m thinking about taco bell.

Communication is important. But DTRs can suck my b*tt.


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