I hope there’s not a limit to how many times I can start a blog with “I was talking to” because…
I was talking to Zoe about all my issues (shocker) and I used terms that I made up called “loud sins” and “quiet sins”. She didn’t question the terms, just went with them and knew exactly what I was talking about. Here’s a snippet of our conversation:
Me- I love how you instantly knew what I meant by loud and quiet sins. Everyone else I’ve said those terms to had no idea what I was saying even after I explained.
Zoe- “Really? they seem so straight forward to me! perfect definitions.”
So here’s a quick definition, (Maybe I’ll write my own dictionary?)
An immoral act that goes against God’s divine law which others may see as not immoral or others may not notice at all. It is possible that ‘quiet sins’ can be praised rather than condemned.
Synonyms: private, sins of the heart, bad thoughts, intangible, internal
An immoral act that goes against God’s divine law which others easily notice, look down upon, and talk about to their colleagues and friends. Loud sins are often headlines, addictions and are easily condemned.
Synonyms: public, tangible, immoral acts, poor actions, external, sexual or physical
Anyways we were talking about how I used to view Zoe as this perfect person. Someone who only sins occasionally and that sin was eating four bags of ramen in one sitting. But recently I’ve started to realize that she’s not actually perfect, she’s just one of my best friends who I’ve placed on a pedestal and all of her sins are quiet. They exist but they’re private, not easily seen and mostly internal.
Here’s a text I received from Zoe about this issue:
“They’re still sins nonetheless and much easier to get away with and ultimately more dangerous than the loud ones. Because loud sins mean that you have a lot of people saying “get your stuff together dude” and then my sins no one notices so I live in them for way longer and literally feel like I cannot find victory over them. Because how do people know how to keep me accountable?”
I’ve always wanted my sins to be the quiet ones, ones that no one notices and can talk about. I wanted to look pretty on the outside, actually live in a box that’s NOT clear. I wanted to be able to hide and be private. But all my sins are loud, out there to be seen and talked about, while Zoe got the quiet ones. Funnily enough, I recently found out Zoe wished hers were the loud ones, ones that were easily seen and people could point them out and help her through them. She said if they were loud, people would know her better.
I guess it’s a classic case of the grass is always greener.
What’s important to know is that loud sins are not worse and should not be headlines and quiet sins are still sins and need to be acknowledged. Their volume does not define our worth.
I’ve always been a loud person and I’m okay with that.
I’ve just learned to be a little quieter.