Drowning in the Shallow End

14876661_10207637236435752_4751540458015617558_oI’ve had a really good couple of days.

And I can’t find a single thing to complain about.

And yet I just want to lie down, watch a sad movie, and hold my cat.

Why?

I don’t really have an answer for that. I know there’s some sort of scientific, medical reasoning, but I couldn’t tell you. There’s some spiritual reasoning, and I don’t want to tell you. And mostly, it’s just the exhaustion of healing. 

But it’s made me think about drowning.

My mother is terrified of drowning, in fact I would go as far as to say that is her biggest fear. (Mommy? Am I right?) And I would say it’s because of the loss of control. When drowning, you don’t just get to take a breath. You can try to swim to the surface, but that doesn’t always work. There’s another force in control, a raging river, stronger than your crossfit body, hitting your head and losing consciousness, or maybe a weight holding you down. Something is holding you from the surface, and no matter how much you fight it, your lungs are filled with water instead of air.

Then it’s just over.

No matter how many innertubes are thrown your way, you’re still drowning.

And sometimes that’s how I feel.

But then I remember one important thing: my lifeguard walks on water.

Jesus is in control and it doesn’t matter how many times I splash, screaming for help, he will always be there to remind me that I’m in the shallow end and everything will be alright.

I’ve had a great week. I got promoted at work and my friend, Scott’s, single went up on spotify, (Everything by scReam heRo, check it out). In bigger news, I head to New York in a few days and… MY SISTER HAD A BABY. Her name is Della and she’s more perfect than I ever could have imagined.

So, yeah, I have a lot going for me and even more to be thankful for.

But sometimes I still feel like I’m drowning in the shallow end.

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