“Look ahead” they say. “It only will get better.”
They warn you about being stuck in your past, encourage you to move on to the future.
Well, You’re my future.
But you have to know about my past. Finding yourself, being true to who you are and who you want, is the most difficult thing you’ll ever do.
At least that’s the case in my story.
I thought it would be great.
I didn’t know it would break me as it made me whole.
The reasoning behind writing you this is completely, utterly selfish.
I wish I could say I was doing it for other kids like me but I’m not even sure I want other kids to read it.
Maybe I could lie and say I’m writing this FOR YOU. So you can know me and know my love for you.
But the truth is I’m writing this because I’m scared.
I’m scared to be broken when I’m supposed to be whole.
I’m scared to reveal the worst part of me and have you leave.
I’m writing this because I don’t know how to defeat it.
The shadows are suffocating me.
My demons are calling the shots.
Fear is the monster under my bed.
If I turn on the light then the shadows will disappear and I’ll be free.
Or maybe the light switch is broken and so am I. Forever in the darkness.