You’re not going to know how to handle this because you’re afraid of emotions.
You’ll be too scared to go home. You’ll drive for hours or sit in the back of coffee shops.
You’re going to break and mending will seem like an impossible feat. You’re going to feel alone. So irreversibly, deafeningly alone that you’ll seem to suspend above the world, unnoticed and untouched.
You’ll beg to be touched.
See, here’s the undeniable truth, and it’s going to hurt, you got yourself in this situation. You ignored the calls of warning from all the people who love you and you chose to chase a dangerous life just because it seemed new and exciting. You turned off the lights and reached out in the darkness, hoping to grasp hold of a feeling that you craved, a feeling of love that was never quite love, never quite full enough or deep enough to be love. A life of parties, of empty feelings and desperate grasps for a life you already had but threw away taunted you and you fell for it. You fell for the empty promises that this is going to make you whole I promise I promise I promise.
Promises break. Every single time. Human promises are empty words that are meant to make you feel better about trusting.
You trusted the wrong people and now you can’t go home because she’s there and if she’s there than he’s there and he won’t stop smiling at you that creepy way that makes you want to wear a scarf and hide behind a wall of breaking bricks because he’s so strong and you’re weak now because there are no nutrients in vodka only…
You’re going to cry because you thought this empty life would make you whole and you were wrong. You’re going to cry because it’s you’re fault that you’re broken. You’re going to cry because you’re not sure if you broke yourself or if he broke you. You’re going to cry because you know the people who truly love you are crying for you and you can’t go back to them. You’re going to cry because they want you to come back to them but you’re too ashamed. You’re going to cry because you’re guilty. Because you’re scared. Because you’re lost. Because you’ve lost.
You’re going to cry because there’s nothing else to do anymore.
Except maybe scream.
You’re going to scream.