You’re going to laugh.
You won’t even think about those events from months ago because you’ve escaped.
You’ll be so happy you came home that you’re going to smile until your cheeks hurt and you’re sure you look like the Cheshire cat.
You’re going to let yourself be happy because for once in your life you don’t feel broken or bruised or used or lost or alone. For once in your life you feel like you’re enough, and you’re allowed to be enough, and you’re allowed to laugh and smile and feel.
You can’t blame yourself for what happened. You’re going to, every single day, you’re going to wake up and blame yourself. But you need to stop because it’s not you’re fault. You made a mistake but you also made a decision – a decision to cut out the evil and be filled with new life. You made a decision to turn on the light and watch with satisfaction as the shadows were chased away. You made a decision to accept help from those who truly love you. To accept their love. To love. Because truly loving in the most selfless way will bring you so much more life and happiness than searching for empty love that will always leave you broken.
You must know that the warmth inside you was not built while you stood in the torrid hurricane you called the life you deserved. A fire was built not by your hands alone, but by the hands of those that couldn’t bare watch you freeze. And now you feel the flames and the flames feel you and you’re sure everyone else can feel the flames because how could they not? It’s so warm and bright and you feel like you’ll never be alone, cold, and abandoned again.
You’ll love being at home because home is where you’re safest.
You know you won’t be safe and happy all the time, in fact you know you don’t deserve to be safe and happy ever, but you will be. You know that there will be days the lights are shattered and you’ll see those shadows you used to live with creep up and grab you in your dreams but you won’t let them have you because it’s so much better to laugh than to cry. Hope is so much better than hopelessness and the hope you found is imbedded in love.
Selfless love that is inhuman and constant.
You’re going to laugh because who you once were is so ridiculous with all her crying that you can’t imagine returning to her life. You’re going to laugh because the people around you are so damn funny and overflowing with life. You’re going to laugh because you don’t deserve to laugh but you can anyways so you’re going to. You’re going to laugh because you’re saved. Because you’re found. Because you’re victorious. Because you’re forgiven. Because you’ve forgiven.
You’re going to laugh because it’s the most honest expression you have.
Except maybe to love.
You’re going to love.