Being honest is better than suffocating loneliness.
Being honest is just as important as being nice.
Being honest is better than being a broken mess.
Let’s get something clear: when I say “being honest” I am in NO way talking about being mean, or being unnecessarily harsh, or being a jerk and calling it “honesty.” Insulting people for no reason is not justified under the umbrella of “honesty.” In fact, I’m not even talking about being honest about other people. I’m talking about being honest to other people.
The difference is this:
“That dress makes you look fat and you have an annoying laugh.”
“I felt lonely last night. I need you.”
The difference is honesty for the sake of lifting yourself above others because of low self-esteem and honesty for the sake of intimacy and healing. Condemnation and vulnerability. I’ve talked about the latter often on my blog. It’s no secret that vulnerability is not something that comes easily to me. In fact, for a long time there, it felt almost impossible to be vulnerable with anyone. In the past few years, however, I’ve learned the extreme importance of vulnerability.
Of being honest.
This can be complex and simple. With the closest people in my life, they usually can tell when something is wrong and they know how to handle me. Sometimes, I have to force myself to bring up a struggle, though. Sometimes I’ll be sitting at my favorite coffee shop with my favorite people and I can feel myself spiraling into my favorite black hole. In those moments, I have to remember I have the power to turn on a flashlight and grab a hand. I have the power to be honest with the people who love me and then, in turn, accept their help and love.
Because if I don’t, I’ll end up at the bottom of the black hole and I’ve been there – I’ve lived there – and I have no desire to go back.
Honesty and vulnerability are not easy feats. They are immensely more difficult than being right and living behind a feeble brick wall. But take it from someone who has learned this lesson the hard way, is continuing to learn it, and desires to live life by it: It is worth it.
Quickly, I want to touch on another form of honesty: Being honest for other people. This is something that other believers cannot ignore or fight against or disguise under harsher terms. This is meant to help each other stay strong, be better, and grow closer to the Lord. It’s meant to help facilitate in bringing the Kingdom of God back to earth. This is calling people higher, telling them the truth when it is necessary, and highlighting struggles they might not see themselves, because they are in the black hole and they can’t reach the flashlight.
When done correctly and for the right reasons, this is a type of honesty that operates completely out of love, not judgment or selfishness or pride. It’s an honesty that should help you grow closer to the people around you through love, and it is just as important.
Emily is making me include this.