One of the worst parts of all this is watching my Mom. I’ve never seen two people more in love, more passionate about pursuing God together, than my parents. I’ve never seen a team that works so hard to share the love of God with every corner of the earth. I dream of a future where maybe, just maybe, I’ve found a love like this one. Of finding a love that endures a nightmare you couldn’t even imagine. I dream of finding a man like my Daddy, albeit maybe with one or two more tattoos.
My parents never pretended to be perfect. In fact, they made sure we heard them say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” but even still, my parents were, and are, my heroes. So seeing them in such a vulnerable state is heartbreaking. Seeing my mother heartbroken crashes into me like a wave promising to pull me under and hold me until I can no longer swim. My parents are indestructible so seeing them taken down, so quickly and harshly, is rough, to say the least.
Recently, my mom wrote this on Facebook:
My prayer is that this journey has ignited a fire within all of us to live in the place of passionate, warfare-prayer for the kingdom, for hearts, for people. This is what the world has missed seeing in the church. “They will know us by our love” thank you for loving us.
Who says that? Who, in the middle of the worst storm, thinks “I hope the people seeing the storm of suffering my family and I are stuck in decide to love God and love people more. I hope, because of my pain and fear, people search desperately for the King”? I mean, how selfless?
My mom wakes up every single morning terrified. She wakes up and picks up her phone, expecting to see the text anyone who’s ever been in love fears they will see. She gets a call from the doctor and expects the worse. She hears good news but it’s coated in bad news and she’s so exhausted that she’s not sure she can keep going. But she does. She wakes up, stands, get’s an update, walks to the hospital, holds the hand of her beloved, and prays. She prays that my Daddy will be healed but she also prays that our faith will be strengthened. She prays that the people of God will love him more. She prays that the kingdom will rise up together and fight for His children, His will, and His name. Her partner can’t fight with her, but she takes up her sword and charges, because she’s the strongest woman I know.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
It’s an understatement to say my family, my mom specifically, is going through a trial right now. It’s a gentle term to say we are struggling. But in no way do we believe we are the only ones struggling or the only ones who have hurt or been scared. Everyone has trials, struggles, fears, worries, insecurities, etc. Everyone needs someone to fight with them. Everyone needs an army of God. Only recently did I realize how important that army is. Only recently did I see how scary the fight can become and how hard it can be to continue fighting.
My mom is persevering. Everyday. I watch exhaustion threaten to take hold and each time I see her defeat it in the name of the Lord.
I hope to be like my mother. I hope to be a woman who recognizes her own struggles and the fact that she cannot face them alone. I hope to wake up every morning ready to fight and ready to admit she needs help fighting. I hope to fight for my brothers and sisters. I hope to be known as someone who will stand by your side when your storm threatens to drag you under and drown you.
God continually fights for us. And he calls his church to fight for one another.
If you forget what that looks like, take a moment to look at my mom. And then, please, fight alongside her.
I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.