The Facade We Wear

IMG_9708I’ve talked a lot on this blog about vulnerability, being honest, the hard parts of life, trusting God, etc. but I realize that even those honest blogs that can be hard for me to post may be a facade I hide behind.

My mom and I are really interested in the Enneagram, which is another personality test but with a lot of levels. It has the Basic Personality Type, The Centers, The Wing, The Levels of Development, Directions of Integration (Growth) and Disintegration (Stress), and The Three Instincts (Mind, Body, and Heart).

All this to say, with the enneagram it’s common to say “I’m an 8,” (which I am) but it’s really more than that. The Enneagram is built on a childhood “wound” or “fear” and how you perceived it and therefore what sort of armor or facade you build up in order to protect yourself from that fear years later.

According to Enneagram Monthly, “Eights possess an instinctual sense of truth and the inherent ability to relate to others without prejudice. As children, however, they learn to conceal their openness as they observe a world in which the weak are often victimized and the truth is defined by the most powerful.” Continue reading

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Agendas

picThe Feminist Agenda.

The Gay Agenda.

The Christian Agenda.

The Muslim Agenda.

The Republican Agenda.

The Democrat Agenda.

Are you tired of counting them? Because I am. I’m tired of trying to understand them, of trying to figure out which feminists, which Republicans, which LGBT members and which Christians have these crazy radical agendas and which simply

are.

Unless we are talking about inherently violent groups, then I think it’s safe to say that none of these “agendas” are actually what the other people say about it. These agendas most likely have a pure heart behind them. A desire to see love overrule hate. A desire to see life instead of death. Of acceptance rather than rejection or societal and relational exile. Continue reading

Searching

IMG_9710I’m really really tired.

Exhausted.

And not because I have a lot of stuff going on in my life. Actually, sort of the opposite.

On a personal level, I’m in one of the hardest transitioning periods ever. I think people tried to warn me with “Leaving College is hard,” and “Transitioning to adult life is challenging,” but I literally always went deaf to these warnings.

Not because I didn’t trust them, but because I wasn’t worried. I was in a great place, I knew what I wanted to do, I had/have tremendous trust and faith in God, and honestly, I just never really struggled when life changed dramatically. I craved change and handled it in stride. I found jobs and passions so easily I didn’t realize how hard it can be and usually is. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

Now that I’m here, job searching, church searching, apartment searching, friend searching, soul searching, I’m tired. Continue reading