Imposter Syndrome

I live with this crushing weight many call “Imposter Syndrome,” which is basically the insecurity that no matter how successful I am, I’ll always be afraid it’s a mistake. That I’m just not good enough for this success. Or, according to Wikipedia (stellar reference right there) it is “the psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.”

In short, it’s the fear that I’ll never be good enough and soon, everyone else will see it too.

The painful silver lining to this predicament is that I’m not alone. Most people will have this fear, insecurity, or syndrome at least once in their life. Maybe you, random stranger hopefully reading this, are feeling that now. Or have in the past. Well, you’re not alone.

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Divided Down the Middle

Image may contain: one or more people, people standing, sky, cloud, tree, outdoor and natureI’m as guilty of it as anyone. Maybe even more so. (Definitely more so)

Acquainting Christianity with political parties. Picking apart the beliefs of leftists and rightists and trying to compare them with the gospel. Actually, the other way around. Politics, which is quickly dividing our nation, has become the heart of beliefs and religion is forced into the stances of those parties. Too often, religion is seen through the lens of politics.

We need to remember that everything, politics included, should always be seen through the lens of our faith. Continue reading

TALITHA CUMI

Processed with VSCO with hb1 presetFROM MY NEW BOOK, TALITHA CUMI:

“In the ESV version of the Gospel according to Mark, there are only three things Jesus says in a different language (Aramaic) that Mark (or Peter) then translates for the reader. These are Talitha Cumi, Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani, and Ephphatha. I’m going to consider all of these, but to begin, I want to focus on the first one.

I still think I have more to tap into when it comes to the Aramaic words Talitha Cumi and Eloi, Eloi. But the other day during my prayer time, the Lord kept saying to me Talitha Cumi, which could have been because I’d just read that chapter and thought I may want to observe it, but for a moment there, I couldn’t think of or write anything other than Talitha Cumi and Eloi, Eloi over and over. “Little Girl” or “Little Lamb, I say to you, arise.” These words are in a very important context. They are most likely meant to show the contrast between the bleeding woman and Jairus’s daughter, that God was showing he heals all, that he loves all, no matter if they are a ruler of a synagogue, an unclean woman, or a small child. That he calls them “daughter” and speaks to them in their native, household language. Continue reading

Talitha Cumi – PUBLISHED

FullSizeRender-1-1HERE IT IS FOLKS.

My first ever published book.

If you’ve read and enjoyed ANY of my blogs, then I think you’ll love this book. Especially if you’re favorite posts are the more personal/vulnerable/emotional ones.

A quick history of Talitha Cumi

In early 2019, I did a 3 month school with YWAM Orlando where we studied the Bible in-depth. During that time, I wrote a series of essays (like blog posts) that I felt the Lord was telling me NOT to post.

Because of this, I ended up writing about some really personal and vulnerable things that I would never have shared on my blog. Continue reading

Constant in Uncertainty

MYENGAGEMENT-6I guess I’m at the point where I’m writing one blog a month. Big bummer but it’s better than nothing. I trust you all have also been in seasons of life when doing your normal things is just too hard. You don’t remember how you did everything six months ago because now going to the store is pretty much an all-day activity.

Anyway, life goes on and the cool thing is, God is always the same. He doesn’t go through those seasons of life. He is constant and always God.

I was talking to a friend of mine about John 2 the other day because she was planning a talk for her church. At one point, she asked “How do you understand John 2:24-25?” and I had to consider that for a moment.  Continue reading

Kingdoms I’ve Found

★彡 edmund pevensie aesthetic | narnia aesthetic 彡★Recently while reading the Book of Daniel, something hit me that I have never fully felt in my heart.

What kingdoms have I found in this world? What king has made me feel safe? What kingdoms have I longed to be a part of?

In Daniel, the kingdoms of this world exist by God’s decree. Daniel and those who are faithful live in the kingdom of this world and are simultaneously obedient to the Lord of Heaven, living as the saints of the Most High, citizens of a heavenly kingdom.

The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ

-Revelation 11-15

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When I Try To Be God

madison_brick wall2_editOver and over in my life, I see moments of pain and failure than can be traced back to one grievous mistake:

I tried to take all control. I tried to be my own god.

One of the most recent moments is this summer. I was living at home in Greenville, TX, feeling directionless and lost. I wanted something to happen. I felt discouraged having turned down two jobs without really knowing why. I wasn’t getting anywhere and I didn’t have the finances to move somewhere on my own. So, I made an executive decision to move in with my friend in Little Rock. There was no real reason other than I had friends there, rent was cheap, and it wasn’t Greenville. Continue reading

Swimming in Secrets

IMG_1928When I was a kid, single digits, my biggest sin was lying. I loved it. It was a game for me. I wanted to see how cool of a lie I could come up with. My fake lives were more fun and adventurous than my real one.

And I would play with lying. I knew my parents could see through my deception so I came up with a plan. To this day I think it worked more often than it didn’t but who knows? Memory colors in favor of the reliver.

I started lying poorly about small things I didn’t care about. The hope was my family would think that is how I lied. That way, when there was something bigger I actually wanted to get away with, I could lie well and they wouldn’t catch on.

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Jesus is My Champion

IMG_9717Remember in season four of Game of Thrones when Tyrion was on trial and he demanded trial by combat but no one would fight for him? Prince Oberyn (remember? The slutty pansexual sand prince?) ended up doing it for his own personal revenge but no one wanted to fight specifically for Tyrion. To save his life and clear his name. No one wanted to lose their life for him. No one thought him worth it. Not even his own brother.

Tyrion was facing death and he was alone because no one would be his champion.

Sometimes I realize I’m Tyrion. Imprisoned, facing death, sneered at and looked down upon, with no one to be my champion.

I think a lot of us can relate to this. Not on a crazy Game of Thrones level, of course, but we can feel alone. Like we have no champion. Continue reading

When Forgiveness Hurts

Processed with VSCO with a6 presetForgiveness is one of those weird acts that we all have to do every day but most of us don’t really know how to. And the lack of forgiveness tears down societies, relationships, and families. Unforgiveness is painful. It’s poison in the body of the hurt and ice in the life of the unforgiven. It spreads pain and fear and distrust.

M.L. Stedman said it like this, “I can forgive and forget… it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things.”

Just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean you have to live hurt. You can make the choice, daily, to forgive and free yourself, and others, from those chains.

Unfortunately, forgiveness can also be painful. Sometimes it hurts.

But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. Continue reading