I live with this crushing weight many call “Imposter Syndrome,” which is basically the insecurity that no matter how successful I am, I’ll always be afraid it’s a mistake. That I’m just not good enough for this success. Or, according to Wikipedia (stellar reference right there) it is “the psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.”
In short, it’s the fear that I’ll never be good enough and soon, everyone else will see it too.
The painful silver lining to this predicament is that I’m not alone. Most people will have this fear, insecurity, or syndrome at least once in their life. Maybe you, random stranger hopefully reading this, are feeling that now. Or have in the past. Well, you’re not alone.
I’m not sure at what point in my life I gave myself some sort of unspoken challenge. To make myself great. To be successful. To live an exotic, adventurous life. To make my pain and failures into something good. Some sort of dust I can rise from.
I don’t know when I started being so hard on myself. When I found myself overwhelmed by the heavy responsibility on my shoulders.
I’m also not sure when I realized that I did that to myself. No one else gave me this false responsibility.
No one else expects perfection.
No one else judges every single aspect of success in my life.