You’re Going To Laugh

madison_lights_colored_edit11You’re going to laugh.


You won’t even think about those events from months ago because you’ve escaped.


You’ll be so happy you came home that you’re going to smile until your cheeks hurt and you’re sure you look like the Cheshire cat.

Every day. Continue reading


Defeated and Victorious

Tree I feel like I’m fighting the air itself as it pushes out of my lungs, crushing my chest with the weight of the universe. I’m sweating, crying, yelling with frustration as I shove against a hundred year old tree, willing it to move an inch for me. I’m laying on the floor of the boxing ring. I’m bleeding. I can’t breath. I can’t fight anymore. I’ve lost.

I’ve never won a battle on my own. I’ve never defeated the invisible enemy that renders me immovable. I will never be victorious on my own. I’m not made for solitary victory. I’m destined for failure. Alone, without the gospel and the Lord, I am defeated.  Continue reading

Not In Charge.

23132121_10210649578102411_2645317899219630129_n“Senior year is a time for random road trips” Jordan said to me one afternoon as we made the decision to hop in the car early Sunday morning, drive to Austin, see our teacher at the Texas Book Festival, get lunch, and drive back. It wasn’t meant to be a long trip, or even an eventful trip. Just a trip. An adventure.

I was running late Sunday morning because geez I wake up early every day but I managed to make it and Jordan hopped in my car, ready for the day. We instantly stopped for coffee and I blasted Taylor Swift. “Are you a fan of Taylor?” “Yes.” “Good.” Continue reading

“Future Everything” Takes NY.



In December of 2016 I had the opportunity to visit “the greatest city in the world” with the greatest traveling partners in the world.


Meet the crew, known as “Future Everything”. We consist of a high-strung photographer, a diabetic closeted artist, a Broadway-crazed wannabe, and an obscenely blunt future Harpers Magazine writer. Continue reading

Fight or Flight?

blog1“Max! Max! Ms. Burnsky said we have a meeting. Do you think someone is coming to meet us?” I yelled, throwing open the door to our small bedroom. Max was laying on her back, hands crossed over her stomach, staring at the ceiling. She looked like she was waiting for death. It was freaky. I poked at her. “Max…”

“Leave me alone, Ash. I’m tired.”

“But, Max… Ms. Bur-”

“I don’t care what she said.”

“What if someone wants to meet us?”

“No one wants to meet us, Ash. No one ever does.” Continue reading

Let’s Get Vulnerable.

12552643_10205544129589389_6003665567883046988_nI have to give my roommate, Zoe, so much credit for my thoughts. They’re my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings and emotions but more than 80% of the time, conversations with Zoe helps me understand them. I could have a huge, pressing problem that I wouldn’t know about until Zoe helps me sort through my feelings. I’m getting better at it, my emotional maturity is slowly getting higher and my vocabulary to explain my thoughts is growing, but I still rely on Zoe or my counselor to help me through the jumbled mess in my mind. It takes multiple conversation’s sitting on my counselors couch or on Zoe’s bed for me to be able to say out loud “Oh yeah, I’m really insecure about that.” And then Zoe just laughs and goes, “I’ve been telling you that for years.” Continue reading

My Near Death Experience

12489373_10205515856042568_5853406904387438760_oHave you ever been so frustrated that you decide you’re just going to give up forever? Ever decided ‘yup, this is where I’m going to die.’?

That’s how I felt laying in three feet snow, skis stuck to my boots and poles unable to find ground. My dad standing still twenty feet down the mountain, yelling ‘turn your skis to the side and stand up!” I struggled to do as he said only to fall once again.

“Just go!” I tell him. He refuses, of course. I was frustrated, embarrassed, and tired. I could not get up for the life of me. Maybe I never would. I would just fall asleep there, maybe freeze to death. Eventually someone would come save me. They’d have to cut off my feet and hands due to frostbite. I’d be a horror story parents tell their kids to keep them from skiing too far to the side of the mountain where their skis will sink in the fresh snow. My parents would shake their heads sadly whenever someone asked them how their vacation was. Continue reading

The Travel Bug Bites Again

travelThere were so many good things about this last trip I went on. I was in England for ten days and met with old friends and met best friends for the first time. I fell in love with the city I’ve been in love with since I was a child. I squealed at every tea time and turned into a puddle with every charming accent. I stuck to purely British culture friendly food (which happens to not be out of my comfort zone… at all) and did my best not to stick out like a sore tourist thumb-except when I wanted to. Then I used the excuse, “but I’m an American”, to be loud and obnoxious. I took decent pictures and stole fantastic ones from my photographer sister. (@gems_intherough on instagram). I laughed with my family and explored with my new/old best friend. I didn’t run from life, I discovered it. And I fell in love. Continue reading

“Head of the Household”

marriageMy immediate reaction to this statement is to scowl and prepare my argument. “I am not under anyone but God. I am not a servant. I am not less than my husband because I am a woman.” But the problem with my thinking this way is that this is, in fact, biblical.

I was talking to the ‘rents and their friends the other night about this exact thing, being the only one arguing against being “under” my husband. I was trying to speak up for women and be the strong feminist I am. And let’s face it, what I was saying has truth to it and is important. But where we were disagreeing was not the theology behind the saying, but the words themselves. Continue reading

Growing Into Life After Home

Growing up means many different things. More experience, more responsibility, more places to see and people to meet. It means figuring out the world for yourself. It means discovering how the world works and how you can work it. It means figuring out who people are versus who they say they are.

It means figuring out who you are. Continue reading