Psalm 119 obviously filled me with a lot of thoughts. It’s a good chapter – long, easy to read, and filled with verses that make you go “Uhm, David, what were you smoking and will you please share some of it with me?”
Here are the verses that hit me the most with that “God, what are you saying? I want to believe this and I do but it’s time to wrestle some and please don’t make me cry” feelings: (Oh… I’m the only one that gets that very specific feeling when reading the Bible? ….cool)
It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
I was recently talking to a friend about being vulnerable. Or, rather, not being vulnerable. It’s no secret that I’m not good at it. I hide my past, my pain, my failures, my shame, and my fears. I hide them until I can make them pretty and polished enough to post on this blog. Until they’re no longer ugly and sensitive, but scarred over and complete with a bow, ready to be presented to anyone who will pay attention.
I was given a challenge by my friend – Next time I write in my journal, share it. With no edits, just raw and vulnerable truth. Continue reading →
I’ve been thinking about what to get for a while now. I want one with my mom and I want a ship and some lines from “City of Hope” by Amanda Cook. I want a dragon and a snake and a million other things. But I’d been putting off what was next because nothing felt like the perfect thing to get now.
Then, a few months ago, our family got some sad news. Just a few weeks after my dad made his recovery, we heard that my grandpa, my mom’s incredible father, was diagnosed with a tumor on his brain. We were given a plan and an expected time frame.
Suddenly it became very real about how much time I have with the people I love. Continue reading →
The average mosquito cannot fly far or fast, often staying within several hundred feet of where they were hatched.
Airborne travel is my family’s love language but it seemed to fissure and break as I stepped on the cross Atlantic flight. I could smell every meal, the packaged cookies like an off-brand Christmas and the bitter coffee a reminder that my eyes sagged. The meat made my jaw tired and the rice tickled my teeth. The air was thin and each breath made my throat tighten. I started watching the horror film, It just as the plane reached the Atlantic. Pennywise, with a drooping smile, sharp teeth, and a lazy eye, morphed to fit the child’s biggest fear, a walking infection, a burnt corpse, a headless body. I wondered what he would become for me. But then I knew he could not become my biggest fear. A small mosquito already had. Continue reading →
You might be in pain. You might be battling sickness. You may be suffering a loss. You may feel insecure. Lost about the future. Worried about your child or your friend. You may suffer from anxiety or depression or helplessness. You may feel dragged down with guilt or struggles you can’t seem to overcome.
You might be in the middle of the storm.
But remember three words that Jesus once spoke that still apply today: “Peace. Be still!”
Your pain is not too big for God. And your pain will not be pointless. The storm may not end how you want it to, but it will end, and God will bring beauty out of the pain.
How often do you feel you need to be in control of life? In control of what happens tomorrow, in control of what grade you make, in control of your job, in control of your relationships, in control of your weight, in control of how the world sees you. Continue reading →
I started this blog over five years ago with this post. I was about to go to YWAM in Kona, Hawaii for some of the best seven months of my life. I was getting ready to catalogue everything I learned while at YWAM, everything Jesus did, what I saw and who I met and what was happening in my life. I was 17, about to leave home for the first time to live across the ocean from my family. I knew it was going to be a crazy time in my life and I wanted to have a written history I could return to just as much as I wanted to share my experiences.
Look how cute I was in 2013
I’ve had this blog through my entire college career. That first semester spent in Hawaii and Amsterdam getting to know myself, Jesus, his world, and making him known. I had it when I started college in Fayetteville, when I entered the worst two years of my life (all fault my own for that dark period), the faithfulness of Jesus when I left the dangerous situation I got myself in, the year I took off of school and lived at home and worked full time. I had the blog when I grudgingly enrolled at A&M, my dad almost died, I worked in news, and now. Finally my last semester of college.
It has not been the easiest or calmest summer. But I’m not going to lie and say it’s been a bad summer. In fact, it’s been wild, scary, busy, and exhausting, but it’s also been my favorite summer.
The past few weeks have been great. I’m still tired and busy and doing new things, but everything has been going really well. I’ve had awesome moments with Jesus, have met some amazing people, and have learned awesome new crafts.
The conversations I’ve had with the people I love are nothing short of glorifying to God and His name. Everything is pointing back to Him and I’m so humbled to be where I am. Continue reading →
Here’s something you don’t hear very often: when you go through something traumatic, there are more side effects than you may have thought of.
I have been focusing so much on the emotional that the physical side effects have been overlooked. I’ve thought about money, my dad’s physical well being, my moms, the different jobs that have been effected, etc etc. But not until today did I think about the other side effects of trauma.
Not until I was on a treadmill, dying a mile into my run, did I slam the machine in frustration and yell a choice word did I realize the most annoying side effect. Continue reading →
Ever heard the saying “A watched pot never boils”?
Okay, where on EARTH have you been for your entire life?
The meaning of the phrase is this: When you watch something, desperately waiting for it to happen, it seems to take so much longer than if you’re not paying attention. If you make tea and then lean against the counter, staring at the kettle, it will never sing. But if you leave, go downstairs, start a new project, and go to the bathroom, then it will start screaming immediately.