I’m not sure at what point in my life I gave myself some sort of unspoken challenge. To make myself great. To be successful. To live an exotic, adventurous life. To make my pain and failures into something good. Some sort of dust I can rise from.
I don’t know when I started being so hard on myself. When I found myself overwhelmed by the heavy responsibility on my shoulders.
I’m also not sure when I realized that I did that to myself. No one else gave me this false responsibility.
No one else expects perfection.
No one else judges every single aspect of success in my life.
I found this photo on Pinterest and I’m pretty sure the credit goes to these guys. It seems to perfectly encompass what I feel these days. The time in between.
Slow motion. Blurred. Still and alone.
There’s this weird period a lot of us go through where we’ve finished college or school or whatever it is but don’t have our next step lined up yet.
If we’re lucky, we get to live at home with good parents while we figure it out. Or maybe we have a significant other we move in with. If not, it gets a little harder.
We apply to jobs, ones we really want but don’t get, and ones we don’t want but need. We apply to entry-level positions and we reach out to any connection we might have. We scour LinkedIn and Indeed and job search sites. Continue reading →
I can’t explain how proud of my friends I am. Whatever they do, they do it with all they are. Monica crushes the arts and Amy crushes the academics. They are lights in the dark, make you feel so known and loved, and are each champion for people, for the unheard, the unjustly judged, the misunderstood, and the lonely.
I have the immense opportunity to visit them in Atlanta every few months and watch them work hard and love well. Monica recently choreographed an incredible show and Amy kicked a$$ during her first year of Emory while working multiple jobs. Anyway, this isn’t brag on my friends hour (though it should be). Continue reading →
Why, oh why, do I make things so difficult? Why do I give myself unnecessary work? Why, when I’m [hypothetically] walking down a path, do I see a turn that has been blocked off with large rocks and think, “hmm, here’s the direction I should go,” rather than continuing straight on the path that’s been lit up for me?
I don’t know about you, but the way I get places, whether it’s college or to a relationship or to a milestone in my relationship with the Lord, is always crooked and more difficult than it should be.
But I make it. And I am under NO delusion that I make it because of my own ability to follow a bath or to not fall or to succeed. The only reason I make it anywhere in life is because God has willed it. Continue reading →
Psalm 119 obviously filled me with a lot of thoughts. It’s a good chapter – long, easy to read, and filled with verses that make you go “Uhm, David, what were you smoking and will you please share some of it with me?”
Here are the verses that hit me the most with that “God, what are you saying? I want to believe this and I do but it’s time to wrestle some and please don’t make me cry” feelings: (Oh… I’m the only one that gets that very specific feeling when reading the Bible? ….cool)
It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
Because I love breaking them. Pushing the lines. Asking why they are rules. Realizing they are rules for a reason and then choosing to follow them not because I’m told to, but because I can see the benefit in following them… And then breaking them just for the hell of it.
Okay, but really, I have grown in this area and I can follow rules better now-a-days- especially if I highly respect the authority figure that has made that rule. Continue reading →
I started this blog over five years ago with this post. I was about to go to YWAM in Kona, Hawaii for some of the best seven months of my life. I was getting ready to catalogue everything I learned while at YWAM, everything Jesus did, what I saw and who I met and what was happening in my life. I was 17, about to leave home for the first time to live across the ocean from my family. I knew it was going to be a crazy time in my life and I wanted to have a written history I could return to just as much as I wanted to share my experiences.
Look how cute I was in 2013
I’ve had this blog through my entire college career. That first semester spent in Hawaii and Amsterdam getting to know myself, Jesus, his world, and making him known. I had it when I started college in Fayetteville, when I entered the worst two years of my life (all fault my own for that dark period), the faithfulness of Jesus when I left the dangerous situation I got myself in, the year I took off of school and lived at home and worked full time. I had the blog when I grudgingly enrolled at A&M, my dad almost died, I worked in news, and now. Finally my last semester of college.
I can’t take it anymore. I need it to end. Please.
I sit up in bed, the cry from two towns over echoing in my dreams. It’s a young boy, about nine years old, sitting on the floor of his tiny bedroom. He’s crying and bleeding, listening to screaming in the next room. Usually, I would wait a week and assess the situation and get my current children prepared before leaving, but today is different. If I don’t save this child, he will take matters into his own hands. I can feel it. Continue reading →