One of the worst parts of all this is watching my Mom. I’ve never seen two people more in love, more passionate about pursuing God together, than my parents. I’ve never seen a team that works so hard to share the love of God with every corner of the earth. I dream of a future where maybe, just maybe, I’ve found a love like this one. Of finding a love that endures a nightmare you couldn’t even imagine. I dream of finding a man like my Daddy, albeit maybe with one or two more tattoos. Continue reading
There’s no where to start.
Mainly because it’s not over yet.
But we all know I process through words. And I’ll be d*nged if there isn’t more to process than I ever could have imagined. Let me start by saying this:
I have been given a glimpse of the Kingdom of Heaven.
Everywhere I turn someone is telling me they love me, they’re here for us, they are praying for my family, offering to help. Every minute I know my family is covered in prayer. Multiple times this week I’ve felt like I couldn’t continue. It was over. My Daddy was gone, I wouldn’t be able to continue. I don’t know how to do my taxes, I’ve never met someone who can hug me like him, I’m not married yet so who will walk me down the aisle? In the midst of God’s faithfulness, I’ve felt my faith failing. I’ve felt myself doubt promises of God’s goodness. Continue reading
I feel like I’m fighting the air itself as it pushes out of my lungs, crushing my chest with the weight of the universe. I’m sweating, crying, yelling with frustration as I shove against a hundred year old tree, willing it to move an inch for me. I’m laying on the floor of the boxing ring. I’m bleeding. I can’t breath. I can’t fight anymore. I’ve lost.
I’ve never won a battle on my own. I’ve never defeated the invisible enemy that renders me immovable. I will never be victorious on my own. I’m not made for solitary victory. I’m destined for failure. Alone, without the gospel and the Lord, I am defeated. Continue reading
I’ve had my lion for over a year now, I believe. It’s one of my favorite tattoos. I mean, look at it. It’s absolutely gorgeous. It also means as much, if not more, to me than all my other tattoos. It comes with two important meanings.
- For my Dad, the most important man to me in the world. When I was a kid, my dad, my sisters, and I would play a game we invented called, you guessed it, “Lion”. My dad, the lion, would run around the house chasing us while we screech with laughter. He’d alway catch the slowest one of us and start tickling while we failed to fight him off. To stop him, or ‘kill him’, one of the other two would have to jump on his back (I’m sorry, Daddy). He would then fall to the ground, snoring with…death? To wake him up, because “Lion” is a boring game without the lion, one of us would have to jump over his legs and the book it before he caught us. I was always the one to jump over his legs because I was the youngest and the most expendable.
When gift giving is a joy and not a burden, I know I’m in a good place.
I’ve found I show love best by giving presents. Much to my bank accounts despair, I adore spending money on the people I love. A random bouquet of flowers to show my friends I’m proud of them, a mug referencing our favorite TV show to congratulate them, the pair of leggings they’ve wanted for months to say ‘happy birthday, go on a run.’
If you hate spending money on ‘useless’ presents, don’t think this blog is calling you out. Gift giving is not how everyone shows love, anyways. You may show love through spending time with people, serving them, or just simple words of affirmation, all of which are completely valid. I, on the other hand, give gifts to tell someone I admire them.
God came down, became a human and saved us. That’s amazing. Think on that for a moment. But also know that we can’t know for sure what Jesus would have looked like. We weren’t there (unless you’re a very old vampire), and they didn’t have cameras. But we can make educated assumptions.
I am by no means a historian, a theologian or an anthropologist, so don’t take anything I’m about to say as truth or fact. But I have done research and like to think I at least somewhat know what I’m talking about. Continue reading
I know it’s been said before, but I’m going to say it again, Dad’s are extremely important to their children, especially their daughters. I’ve been blessed enough to have the best daddy in the entire world. I seriously cannot imagine my life without him. Where would I be? Who would I be? I don’t know but I know I would not be who I am without him. I hear my friends talk about their fathers, and their relationships with them or lack there of. Most don’t have good relationships with their dads, some don’t even know who their dad is. Continue reading