I’m Feeling 22

madison_lights_colored_edit8What kind of blogger/writer would I be if I didn’t make a post reflecting on the past year of my life on my birthday?

What kind of Lawson would I be if I wasn’t a day late on writing this blog post?

What kind of millennial would I be if I didn’t link this post to this amazing, iconic song? Listen, I can’t control the fact that I’m five+ years younger than Taylor so this song is now five years old. Blame my parents.

But I am feeling 22. This birthday is one of the first where I can answer “Yes” truthfully when someone asks me “Do you feel older?” And that’s not because my mom was a beast this day (yesterday, I’m late) 22 years ago. This specific day doesn’t have anything to do with it because I didn’t grow a year older over night. I grew a year older over a year.  Continue reading

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Behind The Scenes

madison_street3_editI love my friends and I love watching them live life and soar through accomplishments. I love so many things about them. I love how much they love me. I love what selfless friends they are. I love how generous they are. I love how hard they work and how many cool places they get to visit. I love that they run half marathons and get into Yale and the Bush school at Texas A&M. I love that they love children and are good at yoga and are beautiful and kind and smart. I love that they care about the planet and know the word of God so well. I love that they make great grades, are awesome photographers, have amazing style, and are committed to so many different things.

It’s starting to sound like I love comparing myself to my friends more than I love my friends and encourage their accomplishments, isn’t it? Continue reading

Being Honest

madison_street5_editBeing honest is immensely more difficult than being right.

Being honest is better than suffocating loneliness.

Being honest is just as important as being nice.

Being honest is better than being a broken mess.

Let’s get something clear: when I say “being honest” I am in NO way talking about being mean, or being unnecessarily harsh, or being a jerk and calling it “honesty.” Insulting people for no reason is not justified under the umbrella of “honesty.” In fact, I’m not even talking about being honest about other people. I’m talking about being honest to other people. Continue reading

You’re Going To Laugh

madison_lights_colored_edit11You’re going to laugh.

Loudly.

You won’t even think about those events from months ago because you’ve escaped.

Free.

You’ll be so happy you came home that you’re going to smile until your cheeks hurt and you’re sure you look like the Cheshire cat.

Every day. Continue reading

You’re Going To Cry

madison_lights_editYou’re going to cry.

A lot.

You’re not going to know how to handle this because you’re afraid of emotions.

Deeply.

You’ll be too scared to go home. You’ll drive for hours or sit in the back of coffee shops.

Every day. Continue reading

Defeated and Victorious

Tree I feel like I’m fighting the air itself as it pushes out of my lungs, crushing my chest with the weight of the universe. I’m sweating, crying, yelling with frustration as I shove against a hundred year old tree, willing it to move an inch for me. I’m laying on the floor of the boxing ring. I’m bleeding. I can’t breath. I can’t fight anymore. I’ve lost.

I’ve never won a battle on my own. I’ve never defeated the invisible enemy that renders me immovable. I will never be victorious on my own. I’m not made for solitary victory. I’m destined for failure. Alone, without the gospel and the Lord, I am defeated.  Continue reading

Pocket Vacations

26169039_10211079596372599_6775302881647493717_nSometimes you need a vacation that isn’t even three days long and is filled with coffee. I call these “Pocket Vacations” because they’re so small they can fit in your poc- I take that back. I’m so sorry for this. I regret everything I’ve ever said.

ANYWAYS. I had one of these recently in Atlanta, Georgia. One of my good friends from high school (are you as surprised as I am that I had friends in high school?) moved to the big GA last year and so far she’s loving it. I thought “hey I could use this human to see a new city without having to pay for housing” and so I slid in her DMS.

Okay jokes.  Continue reading

Magic, Disney, and Losers

25550256_10210955637113695_2179826903778710288_nMagic much exist because I’ve seen it with my own eyes in the midst of the happiest place on earth.

Disney World. Despite it being so crowded I wanted to scream and so hot I wanted to cry, the three days I spent at Disney World were truly magical. This is partly due to the wonders of the parks, the details of each corner, the excitement of the rides, and the endless options of activities. But it is even more to do with the wonderful company of three Losers.

Remember Emily, the broadway-crazed wannabe from this post? She was, of course, the front-leader of our group. This was her trip to see the wonderful Savannah and in order, Randi, me, and Alissa all invited ourselves. It’s safe to say we somehow created a wonderful group with which to explore the magic of Disney World.  Continue reading

I’ve lost weight.

25158126_10210900058124255_1773950141686488199_n-2I think it’s finally time to break the silence about a big change in my life. About eight months ago I began working out regularly and eating really well. The result of this was weight loss and muscle gain.

This is the first time I’ve publicly talked about my health change. I’ve confided in a few close friends but for the most part I’ve stayed silent. Why? I’m not totally sure. I just don’t like to talk about it.

Maybe it’s because I have a past with body image issues. Maybe it’s because I’ve been surrounded the majority of my life by people I saw as workout obsessed and incredibly annoying and I didn’t want to be like them. Maybe it made me uncomfortable because I didn’t mind how I looked before, I just wanted to make a change for me and no one else. Continue reading

Follow The Cloud

23435041_10210694259899428_5803650162365813881_nNumbers 9:16-20:

“The cloud would cover it by day, and the appearance of fire by night. Whenever the cloud was lifted from over the tent, afterward the sons of Israel would then set out; and in the place where the cloud settled down, there the sons of Israel would camp. At the command of the LORD the sons of Israel would set out, and at the command of the LORD they would camp; as long as the cloud settled over the tabernacle, they remained camped. Even when the cloud lingered over the tabernacle for many days, the sons of Israel would keep the LORD’S charge and not set out. If sometimes the cloud remained a few days over the tabernacle, according to the command of the LORD they remained camped. Then according to the command of the LORD they set out.”

Continue reading