Pride and Fear

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The other day I couldn’t sleep. And I usually have no problem sleeping.

It was the second night in a row I was up, riddled with anxiety and frustration. I was scared about what was next, I was sad for no reason, and I didn’t know how to handle all the self-deprecating, prideful, and anxious thoughts that were plaguing me.

I didn’t want to wake my mom so I called a good friend of mine I knew would be awake. She talked me through an anxiety attack for an hour before I laid down again at 2 am. I prayed and did rhythmic breathing before finally falling asleep around 3.

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Delight in the Law

IMG_2406.JPGThe longest chapter in the Bible is Psalm 119. It has 176 verses and 174 of them mention God’s law, statutes, word, or scripture in one way or another. The longest chapter of the Bible is dedicated to the Bible itself.

Oh how I love your law!
It is my meditation all the day.

Great peace have those who love your law;
nothing can make them stumble.

-Psalm 119:97;165

Sometimes I feel like I rarely actually know what I’m reading when I read the word of God. I try to understand. I do research and study and read and re-read, but I’m still often left with wonderings, musings, and questions. And sometimes I adore the law. I love the scriptures. All I want to do is study it and learn from it and read it. But other days it is a chore to get myself to open the Bible. I want to do anything but read Jeremiah. Continue reading

Thanks For My Pain?

parisfriday-10Psalm 119 obviously filled me with a lot of thoughts. It’s a good chapter – long, easy to read, and filled with verses that make you go “Uhm, David, what were you smoking and will you please share some of it with me?”

Here are the verses that hit me the most with that “God, what are you saying? I want to believe this and I do but it’s time to wrestle some and please don’t make me cry” feelings: (Oh… I’m the only one that gets that very specific feeling when reading the Bible? ….cool)

 

 

It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.

I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

-Psalm 119:71;75

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Oh, How I Love

screen shot 2018-12-18 at 7.23.38 pmI don’t like rules.

That’s a lie. I love rules.

Because I love breaking them. Pushing the lines. Asking why they are rules. Realizing they are rules for a reason and then choosing to follow them not because I’m told to, but because I can see the benefit in following them… And then breaking them just for the hell of it.

Okay, but really, I have grown in this area and I can follow rules better now-a-days- especially if I highly respect the authority figure that has made that rule. Continue reading

On Your Mark

picssGet Set.

GO!

We all heard this when we were children. We stood in a line, looked at our friends or classmates next to us, and prepared to take off running.

We heard the words like a gunshot in the air. We heard them like a whistle. Like a command. Like a promise of a win, of a finish line, of a race.

On your mark.

Bend your knees and touch your fingers to the soft earth. Lift your tale and take a deep breath. Feel every muscle in your body.

Get set.

Look forward. Visualize yourself running. See the finish line. Feel the race about to begin.

GO! Continue reading

In My Darkest Days

39786331_10212593599581733_6465181104931340288_nI started this blog over five years ago with this post. I was about to go to YWAM in Kona, Hawaii for some of the best seven months of my life. I was getting ready to catalogue everything I learned while at YWAM, everything Jesus did, what I saw and who I met and what was happening in my life. I was 17, about to leave home for the first time to live across the ocean from my family. I knew it was going to be a crazy time in my life and I wanted to have a written history I could return to just as much as I wanted to share my experiences.

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Look how cute I was in 2013

I’ve had this blog through my entire college career. That first semester spent in Hawaii and Amsterdam getting to know myself, Jesus, his world, and making him known. I had it when I started college in Fayetteville, when I entered the worst two years of my life (all fault my own for that dark period), the faithfulness of Jesus when I left the dangerous situation I got myself in, the year I took off of school and lived at home and worked full time. I had the blog when I grudgingly enrolled at A&M, my dad almost died, I worked in news, and now. Finally my last semester of college.

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Life Update – Little Rock Internship

picsThe summer started off kind of rocky and for a moment I thought I was going to have to cancel the rest of my plans. But, God’s timing is always perfect and better than what we could ever plan. So, a week after my Dad got home from the hospital, I got in the car and headed to Little Rock.

For the past six weeks I’ve been working with THV11 in Little Rock. The internship has been one of the coolest opportunities I’ve been given and each day I got to learn and experience something new. Continue reading

When You’re Waiting

parisEver heard the saying “A watched pot never boils”?

No?

Okay, where on EARTH have you been for your entire life?

The meaning of the phrase is this: When you watch something, desperately waiting for it to happen, it seems to take so much longer than if you’re not paying attention. If you make tea and then lean against the counter, staring at the kettle, it will never sing. But if you leave, go downstairs, start a new project, and go to the bathroom, then it will start screaming immediately.

Probably while you’re on the pot.

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I’m Feeling 22

madison_lights_colored_edit8What kind of blogger/writer would I be if I didn’t make a post reflecting on the past year of my life on my birthday?

What kind of Lawson would I be if I wasn’t a day late on writing this blog post?

What kind of millennial would I be if I didn’t link this post to this amazing, iconic song? Listen, I can’t control the fact that I’m five+ years younger than Taylor so this song is now five years old. Blame my parents.

But I am feeling 22. This birthday is one of the first where I can answer “Yes” truthfully when someone asks me “Do you feel older?” And that’s not because my mom was a beast this day (yesterday, I’m late) 22 years ago. This specific day doesn’t have anything to do with it because I didn’t grow a year older over night. I grew a year older over a year.  Continue reading

Behind The Scenes

madison_street3_editI love my friends and I love watching them live life and soar through accomplishments. I love so many things about them. I love how much they love me. I love what selfless friends they are. I love how generous they are. I love how hard they work and how many cool places they get to visit. I love that they run half marathons and get into Yale and the Bush school at Texas A&M. I love that they love children and are good at yoga and are beautiful and kind and smart. I love that they care about the planet and know the word of God so well. I love that they make great grades, are awesome photographers, have amazing style, and are committed to so many different things.

It’s starting to sound like I love comparing myself to my friends more than I love my friends and encourage their accomplishments, isn’t it? Continue reading