Truth or Conviction

The air is stale, Sam wrote in her notebook. She looked up, took another step, and shook her head. She touched the tip of her pen to the page again and crossed out the sentence.

Fear is more alive in the air than the actual people breathing it. I can’t tell if it is a fear of where they live, of the prison itself, or of what exists outside of the building. Maybe it’s fear of how they will continue life after they leave the stone walls of their own guilt or maybe it’s the fear that they’ll never escape it.

The stone walls, or their guilt? 

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Behind The Scenes

I love my friends and I love watching them live life and soar through accomplishments. I love so many things about them. I love how much they love me. I love what selfless friends they are. I love how generous they are. I love how hard they work and how many cool places they get to visit. I love that they run half marathons and get into Yale and the Bush school at Texas A&M. I love that they love children and are good at yoga and are beautiful and kind and smart. I love that they care about the planet and know the word of God so well. I love that they make great grades, are awesome photographers, have amazing style, and are committed to so many different things.

It’s starting to sound like I love comparing myself to my friends more than I love my friends and encourage their accomplishments, isn’t it?

Nap in Vacation Form

Ever feel like you need a break from a vacation? Or, if you will, a vacation from a vacation?

A vacation is a break from your everyday life. And a break from a vacation, is what? Incredibly meta? Or does it become your everyday life? Is it just a nap?

This blog post is a few weeks late, but lets talk: SPRING BREAK.

Your favorite Obscenely Blunt Writer and Broadway-Crazed Wannabe decided they needed an extreme nap-like vacation over Spring Break. From personal life drama, to work, to teachers who are slowly trying to murder us with homework and studying, we felt like we were dragging our feet and living off of coffee.

Being Honest

Being honest is immensely more difficult than being right.

Being honest is better than suffocating loneliness.

Being honest is just as important as being nice.

Being honest is better than being a broken mess.

Let’s get something clear: when I say “being honest” I am in NO way talking about being mean, or being unnecessarily harsh, or being a jerk and calling it “honesty.” Insulting people for no reason is not justified under the umbrella of “honesty.” In fact, I’m not even talking about being honest about other people. I’m talking about being honest to other people.

East: A Review

Rating: 4.5

This is one of those Young Adult books that I think all kids – especially girls – should read. It features a classic heroine who acts as the savior in the majority of the novel while also being in touch with her femininity. For instance, her love of the loom and sewing is extremely important and even saves lives throughout the novel. Anyone who likes young adult novels, fairytales, or strong heroines should read East.

East is a retelling of the fairytale “East of the sun and west of the moon” and also has some Beauty and the Beast similarities. I personally believe the retelling is done really well and Edith Pattou created a beautiful, thoughtful, and entertaining story.

You’re Going To Laugh

You’re going to laugh.

Loudly.

You won’t even think about those events from months ago because you’ve escaped.

Free.

You’ll be so happy you came home that you’re going to smile until your cheeks hurt and you’re sure you look like the Cheshire cat.

Every day.

You’re Going To Cry

You’re going to cry.

A lot.

You’re not going to know how to handle this because you’re afraid of emotions.

Deeply.

You’ll be too scared to go home. You’ll drive for hours or sit in the back of coffee shops.

Every day.

Two Kinds of Decay: A Review

I’m not a very emotional person, but Sarah Manguso picked up my emotions like a plastic sack of eggs and threw them against a brick wall. Reading this wonderful memoir, “Two Kinds of Decay,” (5 stars, btw) was a decision that would result in me crying (not literally, but I would have if I had an ounce of emotions) because it reminded me why I love reading so damn much.

While keeping her distance from an obviously horrendous and traumatic experience, Manguso tells an honest, quick paced, truthful, and emotional story of her life and the disease that interrupted it. At a young age, Manguso was hospitalized with chronic idiopathic demyelinating polyradiculoneuropathy (CIDP), a persistent form of Guillain-Barré syndrome: an autoimmune disease that attacks the nervous system, causing spreading numbness and paralysis. If the disease wasn’t treated regularly with her blood being cycled, removing the bad blood (or plasma) with new, fresh, and clean blood, than it would have spread to her lungs and suffocated her. Instead, she was left with this half hearted, poor excuse for a ‘treatment,’ which really just left her in the hospital, often paralyzed, and unable to live a normal life.

Dangerous Love

My throat burns and my cheeks are wet. With blood? With sweat? With tears? I close my eyes and push my hands against my face, shaking my head quickly so the strands of dirty hair fly wildly. I want to scream again but I can’t take a breath and without air, there’s not much  you can do. I want to run but without space, there’s not very many places you can go.

I want it all to end but with so much love, you can’t justify ending anything at all.

Love.

Defeated and Victorious

 I feel like I’m fighting the air itself as it pushes out of my lungs, crushing my chest with the weight of the universe. I’m sweating, crying, yelling with frustration as I shove against a hundred year old tree, willing it to move an inch for me. I’m laying on the floor of the boxing ring. I’m bleeding. I can’t breath. I can’t fight anymore. I’ve lost.

I’ve never won a battle on my own. I’ve never defeated the invisible enemy that renders me immovable. I will never be victorious on my own. I’m not made for solitary victory. I’m destined for failure. Alone, without the gospel and the Lord, I am defeated.